CBA. The best British phrase I have picked up, the only one I use with full enthusiasm and with my own free will. Can’t Be Asked (Arsed?). I love it.

Today I totally feel CBA. This is the fourth weekend in a row my husband isn’t home. Tomorrow starts half-term, a week off school for the kids. Kinda like spring break, but there are a fecking million half-terms. I. Am. Tired.

I am tired of doing all the running around 7 days a week. 33 days in a row I have taken the kids to school and back, brought in forgotten items, went swimming 4 times, taken to friends houses, went to running club, Eco club, golf lessons, trips to Legoland, a hand full of birthday parties, all the madressa runs, and had two kids off school sick for good measure.

My poor mom keeps saying she wishes we were closer so she could help. Nothing like 3,000+ miles of guilt. Thanks, mom.

It’s Sunday night, 7pm and I have run out of will power to cook, clean, and be calm. I just can’t be asked any more. I need help. But, woe is me, no one can help me. My laundry pile is out of control and what I did wash (ssshhh, 2 weeks ago) is still sitting in the office waiting to be put away. I refuse to feel guilty about the amount of take out we have eaten. Somehow in the middle of not cooking anything since Wednesday my dishwasher is full of clean dishes and my sink is full of dirty ones. How?!! Why?!!

It’s times like this I wish I was in Michigan so I could drop off the kids at my parents house, get my house in order, and just clear my head.

Instead I will put everyone to bed now and pretend I have my shit together.

Valentines Day

I don’t think the question of Valentines Day being an overly commercial “holiday” needs to debated. It’s true, it’s a Hallmark Holiday.

The cultural differences regarding Valentines Day for children in the UK and America are huge. Where I grew up and went to school (and I dare say 99% of other US schools) Valentines Day is a big celebration. We started our party at 1:30 and it lasted until the end of the school day. We made card boxes decorated in construction paper, hearts, and glitter. We passed out cards stuffed with chocolates and conversation hearts. We had a feast of cupcakes, rice Krispy treats, chocolate, and red kool-aid. Cards were made for our parents, grandparents, as well as paper flower bouquets. It was a special day, it reminded us that we were loved by our classmates, teachers, friends, and parents. It was a fun and exciting day and it helped break up the monotony of the white winter months.

In the UK, Valentines Day is for lovers, not children. Not much is done at school, I received a nice card (to mommy and daddy) from my 6 year old. My 8 year old found a card template on the internet, printed it, wrote it out, but didn’t get time to color it. My 4 year old said, “It’s Happy Bal-in-times Day!! I love you!” (insert kiss and hug). So the school made them aware of this day but didn’t buy into it. I sent cards and candybars for all the kids classes, 2 out of 3 passed them out. The one who forgot said sorry. Great.

Maybe it’s the American in me but I’d rather make a big fuss for the kids and forget about the lover part. (Well, maybe not forget him, but he knows he is loved.) In the times we live there is such a problem with bullying and parents being so busy, it’s important for the children to know that someone is thinking of them and loves them.

Wouldn’t it be nice for 8 year olds to tell each other that they are awesome friends?

My mom, grandma, and aunt all sent packages full of cards and candy for the kids, so at least Valentines Day is alive in this American house.

Do you buy into Valentines Day? For your children, nieces, nephews, friends kids, your self, or partner?


So I am tittering on the tightrope that is acceptance and denial. England just might be my long term home. Shit. This is comforting and madding at the same time.

Life is good here in terms of H’s job and ability to make money and my luxury of being a stay at home mom (which, as all my kids are in full time school is looking more like a housewife). Also, the whole living in a safe environment with clean drinking water on hand at all times and a government that isn’t so outwardly corrupt that one might just trust its leaders. (cynical smirky face). The schools do their jobs in educating the children to a high standard and I do have fantastic friends here. So, life is good.

But… it’s always the same but. I don’t feel settled or at ease or at home or I love like this place enough to want my children to make their lives here and force me to stick around if I want to see my grandkids. ugh.

It’s very sad to feel like this. Over the past 3 years I have really, really tried to “get settled”, like, “buck up woman!” This is your forever home. Some days and weeks go by with out much thought to the future and where I might end up, but I think that is just because I’m so busy living the day to dayness of a young family I don’t have tons of time to throw myself a pity party.

I asked H if he had heard from Jeddah. That was a big no. Still working on Saudi time I guess. Nevermind. It’s not worth getting worked up over. I saw in H’s email today that a job that he had accepted in Al Ain, UAE was out again and he was inquiring about it. I thought in 2011 that UAE was our golden ticket, the job was accepted, notice given to the kids school, got moving quotes, the whole nine yards. In the end, 7 weeks before the move the final contract came and the money was significantly lower than what was offered. So, we stayed.

All I know is that after every interview I get really worked up, super excited, then depressed when I know it’s not happening due to whatever circumstance.

This month has been quite depressing as we still haven’t heard from Jeddah, one of my friends is going back to India in March, and another friends husband has accepted an offer in Qatar.

In the meantime I should be happy I can drive my new car freely.