So I am tittering on the tightrope that is acceptance and denial. England just might be my long term home. Shit. This is comforting and madding at the same time.
Life is good here in terms of H’s job and ability to make money and my luxury of being a stay at home mom (which, as all my kids are in full time school is looking more like a housewife). Also, the whole living in a safe environment with clean drinking water on hand at all times and a government that isn’t so outwardly corrupt that one might just trust its leaders. (cynical smirky face). The schools do their jobs in educating the children to a high standard and I do have fantastic friends here. So, life is good.
But… it’s always the same but. I don’t feel settled or at ease or at home or I
love like this place enough to want my children to make their lives here and force me to stick around if I want to see my grandkids. ugh.
It’s very sad to feel like this. Over the past 3 years I have really, really tried to “get settled”, like, “buck up woman!” This is your forever home. Some days and weeks go by with out much thought to the future and where I might end up, but I think that is just because I’m so busy living the day to dayness of a young family I don’t have tons of time to throw myself a pity party.
I asked H if he had heard from Jeddah. That was a big no. Still working on Saudi time I guess. Nevermind. It’s not worth getting worked up over. I saw in H’s email today that a job that he had accepted in Al Ain, UAE was out again and he was inquiring about it. I thought in 2011 that UAE was our golden ticket, the job was accepted, notice given to the kids school, got moving quotes, the whole nine yards. In the end, 7 weeks before the move the final contract came and the money was significantly lower than what was offered. So, we stayed.
All I know is that after every interview I get really worked up, super excited, then depressed when I know it’s not happening due to whatever circumstance.
This month has been quite depressing as we still haven’t heard from Jeddah, one of my friends is going back to India in March, and another friends husband has accepted an offer in Qatar.
In the meantime I should be happy I can drive my new car freely.